The Legal profession stands out as one which generates a lot of jokes at its own expense. But since the financial crisis of 2008, it has also stood out as one which has become increasingly tricky to enter. Potential lawyers face the multiple hazards of shrinking numbers of job opportunities, lengthy and expensive postgraduate training periods, unpaid internships, under-employment, gender discrimination* and the like.
My guess is that those prospective lawyers need a bit of cheering up, so what better excuse for providing a selection of favourite lawyer jokes, having separated the wheat from much chaff and cut down on the 'shaggy dog' elements:
Q: What is the difference between a solicitor and a barrister?
A: One's like a crocodile and the other's like an alligator.
Q: What's the difference between a dead fox on the road and a dead lawyer
A: There's skidmarks next to the fox.
Q: Why won't a shark eat a lawyer?
A: Professional respect.
Graveyard tombstone: Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.
Passer-by: It doesn't look big enough for two people
Client waiting to appear in court: How long do you think this business is going to last?
Lawyer: For me about two hours, for you about five years.
Lawyer: If you want my honest opinion...
Client: I don't want your honest opinion, I want your professional advice.
Q: Which side should a tired lawyer lie on?
A: The one with the most money.
Lawyer: Have you told me the whole truth about this incident?
Client: Of course! You can add the lies in later.
Q. How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A. Other lawyers look interested.
Q: Do you have a criminal lawyer in this town?
A: Yes, all of them are.
"I hereby give, grant and convey to you all and singular my interest, right, title and claim of and in this orange, together with all its rind, skin, juice, pulp and pips, and all right and advantage therein with full power to bite, suck or otherwise eat or consume the said orange, or give away the said orange, with or without its rind, skin, juice, pulp or pips subject to any agreement subsequently introduced or drawn up to this agreement." (Lawyer offering an orange to a colleague)
God: I'm going to sue you for trespassing in heaven.
Devil: And where do you expect to get a lawyer from?
Lawyer (awaking from major surgery): Why are the curtains drawn?
Nurse: Well there's a fire across the road and we didn't want you to think you had died.
Hospital Visitor (to very ill lawyer): Why are you reading the bible?
Lawyer: I'm looking for loopholes.
Lawyer's wife: This room needs new wallpaper.
Lawyer: Don't worry, dear, I'm doing a divorce case at the moment. Once I've broken up their home, we can redecorate ours.
Butcher: Your dog came into my shop this morning and stole a turkey.
Lawyer: How much was the turkey worth?
Butcher: About £10.
Lawyer: Well, my fee for legal advice is £50, so just send me a cheque for £40 and we'll call it quits.
Irish Barrister: The offence was committed at half past twelve at night on the morning of the following day.
Icelandic Barrister: Where were you on the night of December 3rd to March 2nd?
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three, the rest are all true.
Unless, of course, you know better. Please feel free to add a comment below with your favourite lawyer joke.
*see end of previous post on The Futuretrack Survey
Showing posts with label Law. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Law. Show all posts
Monday, 10 June 2013
Friday, 14 September 2012
FAQ: Is there a certain way to write a CV depending on what job you are applying for?
This is going to be a 'yes and no' type of answer!
Broadly speaking, third year students and graduates can feel fairly safe if they adopt the traditional, two-page, reverse chronological, approach covering the key headings of Education, Employment, Interests and Achievements and References (one academic reference and one from the world of work) or the skills-based approach where you have a strong section on your employment-related skills instead of much detail on your past jobs. If you don't understand the difference between these two approaches, you might like to do some initial research using the resources like those mentioned at the end of this post.
However, there are some mainly slight differences that do occur according to your career interest.
For example, Law CVs tend to be highly traditional. The skills-based approach is not favoured and neither are off-the-wall presentational features. Unlike other areas, all exam results including GCSEs should be stated, including all degree modules and results.
On the other hand, imaginative approaches that break the 'normal' CV mould can work in some employment sectors although it should be remembered that they are always a 'high risk strategy' that can succeed spectacularly or fail totally. For careers in the creative sector it is probably best to stay with a fairly standard approach, but ensure the CV conveys a sense of good visual presentation, and include a link to your online portfolio.
For those whose degrees are recognised professional qualifications (e.g. teachers, health professionals), some useful pointers are:
This is the latest in our occasional series of Careers FAQs. For more information about CV writing, see the links we have provided at http://delicious.com/skillzone/cv or one of the numerous books on the subject in the University and public libraries. University of Cumbria students can also find more information on the Jobs&Careers tab on the Blackboard Virtual learning Environment.
Broadly speaking, third year students and graduates can feel fairly safe if they adopt the traditional, two-page, reverse chronological, approach covering the key headings of Education, Employment, Interests and Achievements and References (one academic reference and one from the world of work) or the skills-based approach where you have a strong section on your employment-related skills instead of much detail on your past jobs. If you don't understand the difference between these two approaches, you might like to do some initial research using the resources like those mentioned at the end of this post.
However, there are some mainly slight differences that do occur according to your career interest.
For example, Law CVs tend to be highly traditional. The skills-based approach is not favoured and neither are off-the-wall presentational features. Unlike other areas, all exam results including GCSEs should be stated, including all degree modules and results.
On the other hand, imaginative approaches that break the 'normal' CV mould can work in some employment sectors although it should be remembered that they are always a 'high risk strategy' that can succeed spectacularly or fail totally. For careers in the creative sector it is probably best to stay with a fairly standard approach, but ensure the CV conveys a sense of good visual presentation, and include a link to your online portfolio.
For those whose degrees are recognised professional qualifications (e.g. teachers, health professionals), some useful pointers are:
- Quote your professional registration or PIN number in your personal details (or say that it's awaited) to demonstrate your eligibility
- Offer some comments about parts of your course you found interesting or significant
- You must include details of your course placements including what you did or learned on them
This is the latest in our occasional series of Careers FAQs. For more information about CV writing, see the links we have provided at http://delicious.com/skillzone/cv or one of the numerous books on the subject in the University and public libraries. University of Cumbria students can also find more information on the Jobs&Careers tab on the Blackboard Virtual learning Environment.
Thursday, 16 August 2012
Forthcoming Careers Fairs in Manchester
This is our annual message to let you know the dates of autumn careers fairs for students and graduates, organised by the University of Manchester.
This year's dates are as follows:
For more information, visit www.manchester.ac.uk/careers/fairs
This year's dates are as follows:
- ETHNIC DIVERSITY FAIR 2012 (Whitworth Hall, Manchester) 10 October
- ENGINEERING, SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY FAIR 2012 (Manchester Central, G-MEX) 17 October
- FINANCE, BUSINESS & MANAGEMENT FAIR 2012 (Manchester Central, G-MEX) 18 October
- LAW FAIR 2012 (Manchester Central, G-MEX) 20 November
- POSTGRADUATE STUDY FAIR 2012 (Manchester Central, G-MEX) 21 November
For more information, visit www.manchester.ac.uk/careers/fairs
Thursday, 5 January 2012
Manchester Careers Fairs 2012
Manchester University have announced the details of their careers fairs for the coming year:
Wednesday 13 & Thursday 14 June 2012
Graduate Recruitment Fair for graduate jobs and courses commencing 2012 (different exhibitors each day) - see www.manchester.ac.uk/graduatefair
Wednesday 17 October 2012
Engineering, Science & Technology Fair (graduate jobs and student placements)
Thursday 18 October 2012
Finance, Business & Management Fair (graduate jobs and student placements)
Tuesday 20 November 2012
Law Fair (law firms offering training contracts and placements, course providers offering training courses, professional bodies such as the Bar offering advice)
Wednesday 21 November 2012
Postgraduate Study Fair (universities and training organisations promoting their postgraduate study places for 2013 - NOT a jobs fair for postgraduates)
Full details will soon be available at www.manchester.ac.uk/careers/fairs
Wednesday 13 & Thursday 14 June 2012
Graduate Recruitment Fair for graduate jobs and courses commencing 2012 (different exhibitors each day) - see www.manchester.ac.uk/graduatefair
Wednesday 17 October 2012
Engineering, Science & Technology Fair (graduate jobs and student placements)
Thursday 18 October 2012
Finance, Business & Management Fair (graduate jobs and student placements)
Tuesday 20 November 2012
Law Fair (law firms offering training contracts and placements, course providers offering training courses, professional bodies such as the Bar offering advice)
Wednesday 21 November 2012
Postgraduate Study Fair (universities and training organisations promoting their postgraduate study places for 2013 - NOT a jobs fair for postgraduates)
Full details will soon be available at www.manchester.ac.uk/careers/fairs
Friday, 23 September 2011
Careers Fairs at Manchester
Her are details of forthcoming careers fairs organised by Manchester University:
Wednesday 5 October 2011 - Ethnic Diversity Fair (graduate careers and student work experience, organised primarily for black and Asian students/graduates);
Wednesday 19 October 2011 - Engineering, Science & Technology Fair (graduate jobs and student placements);
Thursday 20 October 2011 - Finance, Business & Management Fair (graduate jobs and student placements);
Tuesday 22 November 2011 - Law Fair (law firms offering training contracts and placements, course providers offering training courses, professional bodies such as the Bar offering advice);
Wednesday 23 November 2011 - Postgraduate Study Fair (universities and training organisations promoting their postgraduate study places for 2012 - this is NOT a jobs fair for postgraduates);
Wednesday 13 & Thursday 14 June 2012 - Graduate Recruitment Fair for graduate jobs and courses commencing 2012.
All details are on the Manchester University website at: www.manchester.ac.uk/careers/fairs
Wednesday 5 October 2011 - Ethnic Diversity Fair (graduate careers and student work experience, organised primarily for black and Asian students/graduates);
Wednesday 19 October 2011 - Engineering, Science & Technology Fair (graduate jobs and student placements);
Thursday 20 October 2011 - Finance, Business & Management Fair (graduate jobs and student placements);
Tuesday 22 November 2011 - Law Fair (law firms offering training contracts and placements, course providers offering training courses, professional bodies such as the Bar offering advice);
Wednesday 23 November 2011 - Postgraduate Study Fair (universities and training organisations promoting their postgraduate study places for 2012 - this is NOT a jobs fair for postgraduates);
Wednesday 13 & Thursday 14 June 2012 - Graduate Recruitment Fair for graduate jobs and courses commencing 2012.
All details are on the Manchester University website at: www.manchester.ac.uk/careers/fairs
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
Manchester Careers Fairs 2011
The dates for this year's careers fairs run by Manchester University are as follows:
Graduate Recruitment Fair Manchester: WEDNESDAY 15 & THURSDAY 16 JUNE 2011 - different exhibitors each day.
Engineering, Science & Technology Fair: WEDNESDAY 19 October 2011.
Finance, Business & Management Fair: THURSDAY 20 October 2011.
The Law Fair : TUESDAY 22 November 2011.
The Postgraduate Study Fair: WEDNESDAY 23 November 2011.
Ethnic Diversity Fair: 5 October 2011 subject to confirmation.
More details nearer to the dates from the Manchester Careers Fairs page.
Graduate Recruitment Fair Manchester: WEDNESDAY 15 & THURSDAY 16 JUNE 2011 - different exhibitors each day.
Engineering, Science & Technology Fair: WEDNESDAY 19 October 2011.
Finance, Business & Management Fair: THURSDAY 20 October 2011.
The Law Fair : TUESDAY 22 November 2011.
The Postgraduate Study Fair: WEDNESDAY 23 November 2011.
Ethnic Diversity Fair: 5 October 2011 subject to confirmation.
More details nearer to the dates from the Manchester Careers Fairs page.
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Becoming a Solicitor by the ILEX Route
This is an extract from a text produced by a former Law student, recently circulated by the AGCAS - Law Advisers network:-
"If you already have your LPC and a law degree then you can become a member of Institute of Legal Executives (MILEX) without any further exams. This does not mean that you are qualified as a Legal Executive or can call yourself a Legal Executive but it does mean that you are on the road to it.
"To become a Fellow of the Institute of Legal Executives (and entitled to call yourself a Legal Executive) you basically have to have 5 years work experience in law and for at least two of those 5 years you must be a MILEX. Once you have completed your 5 years employment (2 years as MILEX), ILEX will send you the necessary forms to become a Fellow of the Institute (again there are no exams or anything).You will need to complete the form and enclose a detailed description of what you do on a day to day basis. For more information you might want to visit their website.
http://www.ilex.org.uk/careers/careers_home.aspx
"Once you have become a FILEX you can then apply for an exemption from a training contract under Regulation 28(1)(ii)(b) of the Solicitors Training Regulations 2009. The link below should take you to the rules.
http://www.sra.org.uk/sra/regulatory-framework/3022.article
"There are no forms to fill in and no guidance about what information you have to provide. I just wrote in and crossed my fingers!"
...
"The only remaining requirement is to do the 9 day Professional Skills Course (The SRA would not let me do the PSC until I was either in a training contract or exempted from a training contract)."
"If you already have your LPC and a law degree then you can become a member of Institute of Legal Executives (MILEX) without any further exams. This does not mean that you are qualified as a Legal Executive or can call yourself a Legal Executive but it does mean that you are on the road to it.
"To become a Fellow of the Institute of Legal Executives (and entitled to call yourself a Legal Executive) you basically have to have 5 years work experience in law and for at least two of those 5 years you must be a MILEX. Once you have completed your 5 years employment (2 years as MILEX), ILEX will send you the necessary forms to become a Fellow of the Institute (again there are no exams or anything).You will need to complete the form and enclose a detailed description of what you do on a day to day basis. For more information you might want to visit their website.
http://www.ilex.org.uk/careers/careers_home.aspx
"Once you have become a FILEX you can then apply for an exemption from a training contract under Regulation 28(1)(ii)(b) of the Solicitors Training Regulations 2009. The link below should take you to the rules.
http://www.sra.org.uk/sra/regulatory-framework/3022.article
"There are no forms to fill in and no guidance about what information you have to provide. I just wrote in and crossed my fingers!"
...
"The only remaining requirement is to do the 9 day Professional Skills Course (The SRA would not let me do the PSC until I was either in a training contract or exempted from a training contract)."
Friday, 12 November 2010
Open Day at Northumbria Law School
Northumbria Law School are running an open day on their postgraduate courses in Law (GDL, LPC and BPTC) on Friday 19th November from 2.00 p.m.
For more details, visit http://www.northumbria.ac.uk/sd/academic/law/
For more details, visit http://www.northumbria.ac.uk/sd/academic/law/
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