Application Howlers

The last few posts on graduate prospects, etc. seem so serious, perhaps it's time for something a little more light-hearted!

This was taken from a circulation that went round UK careers advisers a few years ago, but is still worth its weight in gold.  It's a series of 'howlers' that candidates have, so we are led to believe, put on their job application forms:

"I am someone who knows my own destiny, but I have no definite long term plans." 

"I was closely involved in every aspect of my former company, right up to its bankruptcy." (would-be Trainee Accountant)

"Excellent memory skills, good analytical skills, memory skills..."

On an application for a position requiring considerable people skills - "My hobbies include watching television, computer chess, philately (especially first day covers) and walking my 2 spaniels."

"I have a criminal record but I am not in jail at the moment." 

"I have a desire to work with commuters." 

"At secondary school I was a prefix." 

"Hi, I want 2 get a job with U." 

"I have a 100% attendance at work, except for the seven days I have taken off sick." 

"Size of employer: about 5’ 10” " 

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook." 

"Suspected to graduate early next year..." 

"My health good, that of my parents not so good."

"Like one of your coffees, I am designed to be opened, savoured and enjoyed." 

"Finished eighth in my class of ten."

"I enclose a tea-bag so you can enjoy a cuppa while perusing my form." 

"I loathe filling in application forms so much that I'll give you details at the interview." 

"If called to interview I would like to discuss the salary, pensions and sickness benefits." 

"Place of birth - A London hospital." 

"Being a Virgoan, my sense of assertiveness and resilience has prompted me to continue with my ambitions to be a solicitor in a major city law firm…I am also a seventh generation descendant of a Chinese princess and a Sulawesian warrior, which makes me…both an amiable and energetic person." 

"I do not have any major achievements that I would consider to be of interest to this application."

"...dealing with fear and being able to follow orders under terrifying conditions." (from a student member of a sky diving club) 

"I believe in helping other people and so I am a blood and organ donor."

"Up until a little while ago I used to compete in British-Eventing competitions on my horse, from which I got a real kick." 

"Working on a farm has...improved my communication skills which are especially important when working with large livestock." 

"My life-long love of chocolate biscuits, is the main reason for his interest in the company." (United Biscuits)

 And the morale of this cautionary tale is of course: proof read your application carefully before you send it off!

If you have any other application howlers you would like to tell us about, please send them in to careers@cumbria.ac.uk (ref: UOC Careers Blog).  All submissions that are decent and legal WILL be published. Look forward to hearing from you shorty...

FAQ - Can Someone Help Me Fill Out an Online Application Form?

Some of our students clearly think that online application forms are a pain in the back end, and many Careers Advisers partly share this view. This is because it is actually quite hard for us to see what is going on in the world of online applications without starting to apply for the jobs ourselves!

As such online application forms are a bit of a Pandora's Box - you never quite know what will spring out next. But the main answer to this FAQ is that we are always pleased to hear from University of Cumbria students and graduates by email if they would like a meeting to discuss online forms.

A look at the dim and distant archives of this blog shows that I took a look at online application forms nearly four years ago.  So what follows next is bit of an update on the information offered there:

Copy and Paste

One standard piece of advice is to prepare answers to questions offline and paste them onto the relevant screen. But the most popular tool for preparing drafts is Microsoft Word, which has sometimes been known to cause problems because it generates a good deal of spurious html code.  Assuming the online form isn't clever enough to weed out the unwanted characters, the applicant can be left finding that they have exceeded the word or character limit on the form for no apparent reason.

If you find this is happening to you, a better way might be to copy and paste the answer into a text editor like Notepad first. If you then copy and paste from the text editor into the form, the extra code will be eliminated and 'what you see is what you get' again.  Note however that you may need to re-insert any formatting (e.g. bold, italics) that you want to keep.

Deadlines

Deadlines can cause an extra problem for applications in cyberspace that does not really exist with the paper equivalent.  The scene is that many people decide to apply at the last minute, the company's server gets clogged up and some applicants in Cinderella-like fashion fail to log on before the clock chimes and the system closes down the vacancy.

So the clear moral of the story is: set your own deadline a good bit before the deadline.

Extra Questions

Online forms often have more detailed questions than paper forms, which may simply ask for "Comments in Support of Your Application".  Competency-based questions are a common favourite, so it is useful to swat up on them - for example using the simulator produced by the University of Kent.

Highlight Your Job Specs!

Most people know that when writing job applications, it is vital to review two key documents - the job description and person specification - and that you ignore them at your peril. The terms are not used by all employers and employers are not legally obliged to provide them, but generally they need to form the basis of your applications.

Unless you are applying to smaller employers and have no more to go on than the text of an advert and your own research, you need to learn the art of reading between the lines of these key documents and responding to them appropriately. This is where it gets a bit more tricky.

Some of them tell you virtually nothing worth knowing about the post and you may be left feeling that they have only been written to satisfy company policy. But some are chock full of detail and use five times more words than you could ever hope to get into an application form. And some selection panels will definitely screen your application against a list of 'essential' and 'desirable' selection criteria drawn from the person spec.

At this point, one essential tool to help you separate the wood from the trees is - no, not an axe - but a highlighting pen. Here's what to do next:

1) Take the 'desc' and the 'spec' plus any other details about the job you have collected and allow yourself the time to go through them all with a fine toothcomb - and a highlighting pen.

2) Try to get the feeling of the words and the energy they convey. Look for key phrases that tell you what the job is all about and the sort of person they are looking for. When you find one, highlight it. In the margin, add a few quick notes of situations where you used the skills or demonstrated the experience that the phrase indicates. These will be useful reminders when you start to draft your application.

3) Now of course there will be some phrases where you cannot think of any relevant information you can give. If so, do not despair. Highlight them anyway, perhaps in a different way so they stand out. If you come back to them later, it's amazing how often that you will suddenly recall useful information that is exactly the evidence the employer is looking for - or, if not, something that is similar enough for you to use convincingly.

4) You may find there are some phrases that are used several times in the same documentation. These are likely to be major areas of interest to the employer that you need to write about at some length, using the STAR technique. Similarly, if you are applying for a number of jobs of the same kind, it can be worth noting that some employers mention requirements that others do not.

5) Once you have been through all the documentation, prioritise on the basis of your notes and the required length of the application:

• things you must write about in detail
  
• things you will at least mention
• things you will only mention if there is space

6) Then put down the highlighting pen and pick up your mouse, laptop or black biro...

A Couple of Provisos

• Don't forget to say why you want to work for that company, even if they didn't ask you to
  
• If you really can't think of any material that you can use to cover 'essential' criteria, don't apply - the job probably isn't for you.
  

Large Retail Employers Don't Want CVs...

...according to the input of Retail Sector members of the Association of Graduate Recruiters at a meeting with Careers Advisers' representatives last month.

They felt it is particularly important to understand that larger companies only have an online application system and do not accept CVs.

A “Please see my CV” response to questions on the online application has been a recurrent problem for them. Recruiters also say that the questions asked on applications should be approached just as intensively as an interview question.

In particular Asda has noted that despite receiving 4,000 applications online, many were of poor quality and the company is still recruiting.

Completing Application Forms

Surprisingly little material seems now to be around on the subject of completing application forms. It is as if a lot of the big Careers websites have decided to rely on the fact that many large companies produce their own guidelines.

Fortunately, the University of Cumbria has found its own solution in the form of a voiceover presentation narrated by myself and my colleague Joanne Watson. You can view it at https://stream.cumbria.ac.uk/ap/careers/AppForms/index.html (n.b. answer 'no' if you get a security warning on the way in.)

The result is unlikely to draw the interest of Holywood producers but it does give you a decent guide to the business of filling in those pesky forms!

Applying for PGCE Courses

Further to my post on teaching applications last week, it appears there are currently some technical problems loading information on www.gttr.ac.uk

A colleague has suggested that students complete the form as far as they can and keep checking for updates so their application is ready to go on 5th October, which is apparently the first date when GTTR will send on applications to the course providers.